Counting down to the long July 4 weekend

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By Bill Wundram | Wednesday, July 2, 2008 12:12 AM CDT | () comments

HERE we are in the middle of a summer’s week when no one expects to accomplish anything. By Thursday noon, everyone will be in a slumbering hiatus, waiting to slip away for the big Fourth-of-July weekend.

We fondly believe, though, that a Fourth of July no longer carries an inner excitement without backyard bombardments of 2-inch cannon crackers, Black Cats, cherry bombs and devil’s-on-the walk.

Sorry, but sparklers don’t quite do the job.

No sheep allowed

Tom Lagomarcino Jr., just back from Ireland, swoons over the green terrain and laughs at a “necessary” stop he made at a stone residence in the lowlands. The farmer was cordial, as are all sons of the sod, and directed him to a quaint stone outhouse.

Tom curiously asked the farmer why there was a latch-lock on the outside of the rock privy, instead on the inside.

“Well, m’son,” he told Tom, “if I didn’t have a latch on the outside, my sheep would nose their way inside and chew up the bathroom tissue.”

A tug on the heart strings

Like the rest of us, Julie Vogen, Davenport, puts out cans weekly for recycling.

“One day an elderly woman in a beat-up car came to the door and asked if she could have our cans. I told her she certainly could and we would put them aside in a plastic bag — just for her — by our garage. It touched me,” Julie says, “that this woman would be so thoughtful and polite to ask before taking them out of the recycle container. I felt sorry for her.

“End of my story: Today, there was a note in our mailbox: ‘My name is Connie. You have been saving cans for me. My car broke down and I don’t think it is fixable. Thank you so much for saving the cans for me. I won’t be able to come and get them anymore. Thank you! — Connie.’

“Doesn’t this just touch your heart strings? It sure did mine.”

Husbands, show who’s boss (be careful, here)

A husband is advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. “You don’t have to let your wife boss you around. Go home and show her you are in charge.”

The husband takes the doctor’s advice and rushes home. He slams the door and growls, “From now on, you’re taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and after you get it on the table, go upstairs and lay out my best white shirt and slacks. I’m going out tonight with the boys. And another thing, guess who’s going to trim my sideburns and tie my necktie?”

His wife says calmly, “The undertaker.”

Add-cetera

I haven’t noticed any Hollywood celebrities having any pricey fund-raisers for Iowa flood victims, but Tuesday night Iowa natives living in California whooped it up at a place called 14 Below in Santa Monica to raise money for them. Tyler Kamerman, native of Sioux Center, and his wife Jessica,

Villisca, hoped to raise between $5,000 and $10,000. Admission was $20. It takes the home folks to help one another.

PROPER NAME CLUB: Dave Sunleaf of Davenport is a master gardener for Iowa State University’s Scott County Extension Service.

Bill Wundram can be contacted at (563) 383-2249 or bwundram@qctimes.com.