On Screen / Linda Cook

Movie review: 'The Love Guru'

By Linda Cook | Sunday, July 20, 2008 | () comments

“THE LOVE GURU”

0 stars

Running time: 1 hour, 25 minutes

Rated: PG-13 for sexual situations, foul language and raunchy humor

So sari, Mike Myers. Your spoof of Bollywood stinks.

“The Love Guru” is unbearably tedious and as unfunny as a funeral. Myers has a dud here that’s comparable to his awful “Cat in the Hat” awhile back. The idea is kind of cute, but what serves as humor is just plain tasteless, juvenile and offensive.

Myers stars as Guru Pitka, the second-most famous guru next to Deepak Chopra (who, of course, makes a cameo appearance). Although Guru Pitka is visited by stars such as Jessica Simpson, Val Kilmer and Mariska Hargitay (whose name serves as an overdone joke), Guru Pitka wants to be No. 1.

So he obliges when asked to serve as the guru for the Toronto Maple Leafs professional hockey team. Owner Jane Bullard (Jessica Alba) wants to hire the guru to help the team’s star player, Darren Roanoke (Romany Malco), reunite with his wife. It seems he can’t play hockey now that he’s on his own. Darren is the Leafs’ only chance to win the Stanley Cup, so the guru needs to work his magic quickly. If Guru Pitka can bring the couple back together, he gets $2 million and an invitation to “Oprah.”

He has a challenge, though, because Darren’s ex (Meagan Good) is being wooed by Los Angeles Kings hockey player Jacques “Le Coq” Grande (Justin Timberlake).

Although this is a PG-13-rated movie, its genitalia-focused “humor” pushes it thisclose to an “R” rating. It’s sleazy, sophomoric, crude and just plain lacks any entertainment value. You will not see this many references to a male physique anywhere outside a medical textbook.

Myers doesn’t seem to realize that throwing a bunch of ridiculous and tawdry references together doesn’t mean he’s creating anything worth laughing about. He leers, winks and giggles at the audience in an apparent effort to encourage viewers to share in the unsuccessful attempts at comedy.

To add to the misery, Ben Kingsley has a thankless role as cross-eyed Guru Tugginmypudha, the man who trained Guru Pitka. And poor Vern Troyer (Mini-Me from Myers’ last two “Austin Powers” flicks) has an almost-equally thankless role as the coach of the Maple Leafs.

Myers knows better than this. Why someone didn’t pull him aside during reviews of the dailies is beyond me. This is a vanity project that should have been stopped the first time someone didn’t laugh when they read the script.

Let’s hope he comes up with something clever to re-establish himself as the humor guru.